By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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