ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
