you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
