I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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