Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
