I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
