It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
