in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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