Small penises have feelings too.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
