it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Did I show you my penis last night?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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