Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
