Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
