My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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