she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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