This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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