then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
