thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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