Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize