i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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