I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
