I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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