u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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