I want to have your abortion
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize