just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
