So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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