i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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