Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
