"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
