I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
