Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
