He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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