Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So many bounce houses so little time
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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