haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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