just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
