I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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