shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
