i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
