I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
