The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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