OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
