So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
