Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
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