when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
