Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
