I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
