someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im six kinds of drunk right now
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Someone came in the potted fern
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize