So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
