There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
