Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
sex in a hospital.. check
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
