ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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