Having a random hookup so left but love u
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you would pick up someone in the library
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
