my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
