and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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