I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
