White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
