I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize