Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
