we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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