Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
