You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
