Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
