I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
