You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
