i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I didn't notice because vodka
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
