I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
