i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
