well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
