I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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