So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
