He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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