omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
