a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
