Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
