Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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