Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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