Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
