you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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