I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
