omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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