we're blogging at a bar
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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