Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
